Thus it was that the human race was bound in a just doom and all men were children of wrath.ġ5. AugOsteen ( then, was the situation: the whole mass of the human race stood condemned, lying ruined and wallowing in evil.Įvery morning, declare, “Something good is going to happen to me today.”Įvery inordinate affection should bring its own punishment. When he said "How's it feel to work one day a week?" I should've said "How's it feel to worship one day a week?"ġ4. There's gonna be a lot of surprised people when they get to heaven and the only thing trending is Jesus. No Respect ( don't worry about being overweight. If church gets you riled up against gays, the ACLU, or democrats but leaves you ambivalent about Satan, you might be in the wrong church.Īdults, just because you fit in with teenagers doesn't mean you're called to youth ministry. Anonymous Baptist ( to a misprint, our Catholic friends might enjoy coming to our Vatican Bible School, next Monday – Friday. So, the choir can wear robes to church but I can't wear my Snuggie?Īpparently, Miracle Whip is just a condiment and doesn't heal blindness or diseases.ġ2. Back Row Believer ( Bible-Quoting Rule #1: You can't quote Matthew 7:1 (Judge not…) without quoting the entire chapter. When you hear someone talking about Jesus /1zmocizqEtġ1. Hood Spurgeon ( you visit a church with expository preaching. If Revelation was written now, the church names would be like: CrossPointe, Journey, Grace, Revolution, Discovery, 3Sixteen, and Celebrationġ0. Relevant Church Guy ( Service Announcement for Teenagers Going to Camp:Ĭologne, Perfume, and Deodorant are not proper substitutes for a shower with soap. Just got the word "playa" tattooed on my neck. Celebrity Pastor ( haven't done Easter until you've fired peeps at 120mph into your congregation. Hey christian girl, i couldn't help but notice your heart is like the 10/40 window…unreachedĮarlier this summer i planted tomatoes and jalepenos but so far only weeds are growing, thanks adamĨ. "i thought she was a proverbs 31 woman, turns out she's a proverbs 7 woman" I agree that your "Church Discipline Cheer" is catchy, but "2-4-6-8, who can we excommunicate?" sort of misses the point. "STOP POSTING YOUR STUPID OPINIONS ON FACEBOOK!!!" – people with stupid opinions on Facebook Once had a friend named Joyce who died and her husband found a second wife named Joyce… He rejoiced.Ħ. When you say "God is pruning you" to someone my age, it means something quite different, but with the same general effect. Hip Hop Augustine ( the clayĥ. Bitter Blue Betty ( Hint: Any conversation that starts with "I took this test on Facebook…" is not going to end well… In case these three sample tweets don’t scratch your FJP itch, you might enjoy this.) 4. (I’ll unmask the mastermind behind FJP: Jared Wilson. Note: This account doesn’t appear to be as active as it once was. Extreme urge to start seashell collection. JOURNAL ENTRY: Not being a pastor is tough. I listen and I'm like "A- fakejohnpiper July 22, 2013 Fake John Piper ( need each of you to sow one small seed so I can rent a car to drive down and smack Creflo Dollar.Ĭhris Tomlin really puts me in the mood. One benefit of following me on Twitter is the ongoing reminder that, even during your darkest days, someone cares. Legalist Lloyd ( puts some people in our lives to help us reach certain milestones and others to help give us certain kidney stones. If the feeding of the five thousand had been at the end of the book of Acts, it could have been done with bacon.Ģ. I get angry when I show up and find people serving de caf. Church Curmudgeon ( have more children Protestants have more sects. If you have any to add, share a link and a sample tweet in the comments section. Chances are you’ve seen a few retweets from these accounts. I often find myself laughing out loud (or trying to hide it) on Twitter when reading jokes, looking at memes, or seeing a chart that can vividly describe reality without words.īelow is a list of my 15 favorite funny Christian accounts to follow on Twitter and some of their best tweets. 140 characters is a terrible place for theological arguments-but an amazing place for humor.
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